sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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