dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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