i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
