i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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