you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
