you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
