Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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