My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
