you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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