Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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