Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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