Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
