Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
