Don't make out with my wife yet
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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