oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
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I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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