the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
