I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
