Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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