it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
