This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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