You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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