I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
