we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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