when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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