**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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