dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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