Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
