When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
