tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
