went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
