Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
