Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
