No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.