He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything