Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up

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(614): View more from Ohio

I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.

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(281): View more from Texas

that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(518): View more from New York

It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.

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(850): View more from Florida

She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?

(1+44): View more from

Which pub are you in?

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(708): View more from Illinois

I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper

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