I am puke
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober