any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.