True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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