ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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