I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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