I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
