More tranny stories later!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
