Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I love having hate sex.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
