Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
