MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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