sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
