i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
