is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
