Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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