I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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