I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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