You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
