So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
