I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
