I think I won the penis lottery.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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