He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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