i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
