I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
