So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Im part way to drunk.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
