A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
