Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
