How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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