i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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