I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
