Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We don't watch enough power rangers
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
