just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
