He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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