idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
