The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
