you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
