Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
