Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
