so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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