It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
