There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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