Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
