barbara walters just said penis...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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