I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
