Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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