we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
