How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
