So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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