I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
