why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
