At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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