is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
